Paranoia

I am sitting in the car, looking around for a red colored Volkswagen. It was said that was the type of car holding the bomb that killed more than 25 in Kaduna. Chances are they probably won’t use the same kind of car but well, paranoia has no sense.

I look at a taxi reversing at the side of the road. Could he be one of them? I ask myself. No, no he couldn’t. I mean would you be chewing gum if you had planned to kill people? Nope, don’t think so.

I dart my eyes away.

As we drive forward, I see a man ruffling through his pocket. There aren’t remote controlled bombs here are there? Are there?

My eyes follow his hands even as our car drove past but relocate forward as we move out of harms way. The security guards open the boot of our car and glance in briefly, not even bothering to check the huge Ghana-must-go bag inside it. Then, we drive into Silverbird. I exhale a sigh of relief when we get in. At least we are out of the traffic. I drop my bag on the table and walk through the metal detectors. Again, a security woman glances at my bag. This time, she takes out a bottle of water and lets me go. I look around suspiciously then walk up the steps to meet my friends. We’re watching the new Transformers movie.

I am still antsy when we buy our tickets. The bomb at Banex had left me feeling that way. We all thought we were safe – Abuja residents that is. The UN was an official building and it happened so long ago. Nyanya was still kind of out of town. Jos had always been troubled. Chibok? Well, it’s a village. They wouldn’t bomb the capital. They wouldn’t. But they did. They bombed Banex.

The lights go off. I hear the sounds of gunshots permeating as the trailer of the movie starts playing on the big screen. I relax into my seat and bury myself in the movie. My hand is in my popcorn, my eyes are on the screen but my mind is on the door and the nearest exit. It’s on what I would do if I suddenly heard a blast seeping from somewhere other than the screen.

I don’t feel safe here.

I don’t feel safe anywhere.

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