The words we say instead.

Tra la la la la la la la. Errm. Yeahhhh. Sooooo.

I am to write solid for 20 minutes straight and these are the first words that came to my mind. And it got me thinking about the words we say. Words to pass the time. Words that mean nothing. I say them all the time, I write them now not only because I do not know what to say but because I do not know how to say it. . We say them all the time. We do not know how to say I love you so we look at the faces of our beloved and point out that they have pimples on theirr cheeks. I do not know how to say I’ve failed so I say I never wanted it anyway. I do not know how to say I want to talk to you, I want to be with you a moment longer so I say “sooo” and hope it keeps us going for a moment longer.
We do not only regret the words we do not say but the ones we say instead. Sometimes however, we get lucky and we don’t have to say a thing. You saw the sweat on my brow and how my eyes darted away from your face and you kissed me. You pulled the Iloveyous out with your mouth and they have been with you ever since. You felt my fingers linger on your shirt for a second longer than they should and so you stayed the night.
I wish my laptop could assess me top to bottom and write a story that I feel, that I imagined. You saw the tears in my eyes and you knew all this time what I had always wanted to say was that I loved you. But the paper cannot read the beauty of my imagination. I have to write my words myself but all I get is a blank page.


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NYU 2017. I want to write and design. And write, and design, and fight for social justice. But I am currently doing none of the following in college so in the midst of an identity crisis.

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